Have a creaky seat
five from the middle,
biology back row.
Enjoy your
lab supplement
two hours each Tuesday,
this class for non-majors
is really too easy
unless, of course,
you dislike
or do not understand
electron configuration,
genetic diseases,
and theories concerning
the common descent of man.
Feel free to descend
to the ape-like behavior
of the other science-haters
in your laboratory section
or with your lab partners
mentally decompose
as you watch the caterpillar
you were supposed to help grow
into a bright butterfly
rot in its own poop,
swirled like dark mold
in a food mixture
that resembles applesauce
blended in a small scoop
of tapioca pudding.
This appetizing image
you can recall
when dieting
or listening
to the lecture portion
of this four hour credit
in Kivett Hall.
The ninety minute classes
are quite entertaining-
glaring white slides
filled with words
pertaining to Na and Cl,
explaining
how Pb & J lead to obesity
which could aggravate
hypertension
almost as well as
cumulative exams
on irrelevant information,
and the PowerPoint presentation
is also verbose
about morose human conditions
that are fascinatingly gross,
it’s filled with pictures taken
with powerful zoom
of colorful pus
and other effects
of diseases that loom
like questions
from classmates
who think the room
waits for their insight.
“Bio” means life
“Logy” means study
”Section 101” is
An old DaVinci code joke,
the translation is vague,
but many have spoken
concerning the nature
of this aged academic attempt
to poke fun at the student
who’s not biologically bent
or chemically inclined
to develop a
scholarly
scientific
mind.
renmckay
All of us non-majors can relate!
jacsprat
You would think a biology class full of non-science majors would pass by quickly since no one would care enough to ask questions, but the opposite is unfortunately true in my class. The worst part is when students who think they know the material want to show off what they know by coming up with the most off-the-wall questions to ask the professor who, of course, just loves the attention. Thankfully this is my last science class ever!!! 🙂
Ruth
Wonderfully written, reminds me of some of my university courses… not biology – I have to admit to dropping out of the one and only biology class I ever signed up for – couldn’t stomach it (the lab), I guess. 😉
jacsprat
I don’t blame you. I’ve had many a thought along the same lines. 😛
Labs are not my cup of tea either. I’m perfectly happy to be ignorant of the appearance of strawberry DNA and the sections of a worm’s insides.
Caddo Veil
Oh, what a hoot! Flew me right back to my Physics class in college–a science requirement, though of course that was not my major. My prof was a saint. He’d watched me all semester sitting attentively in the front row. Come exam day, he watched me stare at the 8-question test. And stare. And stare. (No writing going on) He approached me, asked me to step out into the hall. Said, “let’s take a walk”. We went to his office, by which time I was in tears. He said, “let me guess–you’re an English Major.” I nodded. “Yep, just like my daughter,” he said, and asked if I knew the answer to ANY of the questions. Nope. He then proceeded to “help” me answer them all–kind of like a mini-summation of the course, wherein I had only to maintain the same attentive look I’d worn since the first day of class, and nod. He said he’d give me a C–because he knew I’d never missed a class, and I didn’t deserve to fail, simply because I was an English Major. God love him!
(I guess I digressed considerably. Your words, and how you played them, were great!)
jacsprat
What a wonderful story! I’m pretty sure there’s no such thing as an “average” professor. During the semester, some turn into heroes while others are… definitely the other, less endearing characters in comic strips! 🙂
Betty
Really enjoyed this – and like the others, it took me back!! (Though I didn’t take that particular course – but there were others with parallels. Thanks for the experience, Jacsprat!
jacsprat
Nothing puts you in a better mood about writing a research paper than the thought that you could be inhaling lab chemicals instead. 🙂 Glad you could relate.